The Human Benefits of Connecting
Our personal growth and evolution (and the
evolution of societies) come about as a result of connecting with
our fellow humans, whether as a band of young warriors setting out
on a hunt or as a group of coworkers heading out to the local
pizzeria after work on Friday. As a species, we are instinctively
driven to come together and form groups of friends, associations and
communities. Without them, we cannot exist.
Connect and Live Longer
Making connections is what our gray matter does best. It receives
information from our senses and processes it by making associations.
The brain delights in and learns from these associations. It grows
and flourishes when it's making connections.
People do the same thing. It's a scientific fact that people who
connect live longer. Studies by the MacArthur Foundation, the
International Longevity Center in New York and at the University of
Southern California show that people who stay socially and
physically active have longer life spans. This doesn't mean hanging
out with the Same old crowd and pedaling around on an exercise bike.
it means getting out and making new friends. When you make new
connections in the outside world, you make new connections in the
inside world - your brain. This keeps you young and alert.
In the Alameda County Study by Dr. Lisa Berkman of the Harvard
School of Health Sciences carefully looked at 7,000 people, aged 35
to 65, over a period of nine years. Their study concluded that
people do not actively socialise are almost three times more
likely to die of medical illness than those who do. And all this is
independent of socioeconomic status and health practices such as
smoking, alcoholic beverage consumption, obesity or physical
activity!
Other people can also help you take care of your needs and desires. Whatever it is you'd like in this life—romance, a dream job, a ticket to the Rose Bowl—the chances are pretty high that you'll need someone's help to get it. If people like you, they will be disposed to give you their time and their efforts. And the better the quality of rapport you have with them, the higher the level of their cooperation.
Connecting is good for the community. After all, a community is the
culmination of a lot of connections: common beliefs, achievements,
values, interests and geography. Rome wasn't built in a day, and
neither was Detroit. Three thousand years ago, in what today we call
Rome, Indo-Europeans connected to hunt, survive and generally look
out for one another. Three hundred years ago, a French trader turned
up to create a safe haven for his fur business; he started making
connections and pretty soon Detroit was born.
We have a basic, physical need for other people; there are shared,
mutual benefits in a community, so we look out for each other. A
connected community provides its members with strength and safety.
When we feel strong and safe, we can put our energy into
evolving—socially, culturally and spiritually.
Connect and Feel Love
Finally, we benefit from each other emotionally. We are not closed,
self-regulating systems, but open loops regulated, disciplined,
encouraged, reprimanded, supported and validated by the emotional
feedback we receive from others. From time to time, we meet someone
who influences our emotions and vital body rhythms in such
pleasurable way that we call it love. Be it through body language,
gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice or words alone, other
people make our hard times more bearable, our good times much
sweeter.
We use the emotional input of other humans as much as we do the air
we breathe and the food we eat. Deprive us of emotional and physical
contact (a hug and a smile can go a long way), and we will wither
and die just as surely as if we were deprived of food. That's why we
hear stories of children in orphanages who grow sickly and weak
despite being adequately fed and clothed. People with autism may
desire emotional and physical contact but can languish because they
are hindered by their lack of social skills. And how often -we you
heard about one spouse in a 50-year marriage who, despite being
medically healthy, dies a few short months or even weeks after the
death of the other spouse? Food and shelter aren't enough.
Make instant, meaningful connections.
For interviewing, selling, managing, pitching an idea, applying to college, or looking for a soulmate, the secret of success is connecting with other people.
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